What? Is that all you got to say?

Hello, everybody!

I'm back from a frisky holiday season! I have quite a bit of celebrity news to cover, as well as introduce you to a new Iowan celebrity that appeared on Ellen Degeneres today! Whether you were tormenting your relatives to no mercy or whether your relatives were tormenting you to the point of breaking your New Years resolution to quit drinking, either way I hope your holidays were very fergalicious!

Celebrity News
Well... We already have two new, bouncing babies this year! Christina Aguilera is finally a mother! It seems like she's been pregnant almost forever. She named her new son Max Liron Bratman. I feel sorry for anyone with that last name. Nicole Richie has been not eating for two about nine months as well and gave birth to her new daughter, Harlow Winter Kate Madden. This may have been the only pregnancy known to man where the baby weighed more than the mother at birth...
Moving on, Jamie Spears, 16, is pregnant with her 18 year old boyfriend's kid. It's a beautiful story, they even met in church. Unfortunately, apparently with all the levees breaking in Louisiana, so did all the condoms.
Britney Spears is just plain insane! She was forced to go to the hospital as a "Special Needs Patient" after not handing over her sons to Kevin's bodyguards. She was to be on lock down for 72 hours, but managed to serve only a little more than 24 hours before being escorted out an underground tunnel to avoid all of the paparazzi. Apparently, when the cops were trying to extract her from her house she was screaming at them "I know who you are!" and "Get me my 'vitamins'". First of all, she better know who they are because they're in very distinct uniforms, okay? Are we clear? Second, I can't believe she thought to call her pills 'vitamins'. She might be more clever than any of us think! Well... okay maybe not. Not only is she insane, but she's also wearing panties! What does it all mean?! Well... It actually means nothing to anybody, but thanks to these stars for making 2008 a very exciting year already! We couldn't have asked for more even if we had ever wanted any... And really, we didn't want any.

My Iowan Celebrity: Fort Dodge Lady
Our blog is called Iowa's Asphalt, and as we travel around the world looking to enlighten every one's lives we also like to look for our own Iowan celebrities, Jack and myself excluded. Iowa is seemingly only known for it's caucuses once every four years, but since I'm not very political I need to reach for something a little lighter. I call my newest Iowan celebrity Fort Dodge Lady. The story is that she caught her son with an empty alcohol bottle on the floor of his car and is now selling it. The ad in the paper reads:

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage
son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to
get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the
planet."

I'm not sure if exactly selling the car was the right thing to do or not, but I do agree that a lot of parents now days do not punish their children, but more or less stand by their mistakes no matter how awful they are. At my job that I love so much, when a kid wants something and knows that all they have to do is kick and scream to get it, that's bad parenting. Especially when the first answer the child gets is "No" and then they proceed to the kicking and screaming stage where the parent gives in and gets it for them to shut them up. That is the parents basically rewarding that kind of behavior. Since when does the kid get to make decisions with their parents money every single time they go somewhere? And why didn't that work for me? Then again, maybe these kids are onto something!
Another thing I've seen is the child failing a test or a class and the parents call the school arguing with the teachers that they're wrong. No! That's not going to make your kid pass the class, so stop acting like they didn't deserve the F! I've actually seen these arguments happen with college kids and their parents, and it's just so very pathetic. I'm not a parent myself, so when it's this obvious to even me that's a pretty bad sign. So, Fort Dodge Lady, I must congratulate you for at least not defending your son's irresponsible actions, but I'm undecided on whether selling his car was the most appropriate way to handle the situation. Yeah, I said it! You're welcome!

You're Invited!
I have one last quick announcement before I let everyone get on with anticipating our next blog entry. We have decided to open Iowa's Asphalt to our readers even more by offering new services! Feel free to send in topics, new ideas, or even to sign up for our new mailing list so you never miss a single blog entry that we do! Just beam a message to iowasasphalt@live.com and maybe you'll see your requested topics or ideas being discussed by Jack or myself! After all, we're famous you know.

***Please feel free to email us at iowasasphalt@live.com with topics or ideas you'd like us to discuss, as well as to get on our mailing list so you're always up to date with the latest Jack and Kyzac have to report!***

Experience = Change??

“That Hurts My Feelings” was the quote of the day during the back to back debates in New Hampshire Senator Clinton desperately groped for laughs while expressing her upset over voters ‘liking’ Obama more than her.
Well first of all Obama offers much more to like!
Clinton was constantly on the defensive over the issue of ‘change’, claiming she is all about change and has been doing it for years, but one must ask themselves does experience really equal ‘change’?
How can the American people be sure her 35 years of ‘experience’ won’t merely add up to one very long record of favors now owed?
She’s been all about special interests groups and PAC’s, they are the backbone of her campaign funding as well as trolls of earmarks during her term as Senator, and so where on her list of ‘things to do’ will the people of this great nation fall? When and where will these mongrels come, calling in favors and funds?
Many, but mostly Clinton herself, are complaining that Obama lacks experience but doesn’t that also mean he lacks the puppet strings that are no doubt attached to her purse pockets??
Obama speaks to a crowd very much like JFK himself, he enthralls his audiences, grasps their attention and leads them down a smooth worded journey of Hope. He points out the faults of our country, and unlike many others he offers up a solution to fix it and most importantly he invites the American people to assist him. He invites them into his circle, his plans, his America, reminding them this country BELONGS to them.
Do you really need ‘experience’ to have a good idea? Does it really take experience to move forward? George W himself was a governor and had many more years experience than Obama and it certainly did not lead this country forward.
When you sit back and think of the qualities you want in a president, in a commander in chief do you want a politician or a person?
Sure, the Clinton years were great years for our country, not so much for the Clinton’s marriage., but our economy was strong, no one was bombing us, and the price of gas wasn’t bankrupting the blue collar worker. That was another time, different era. Do we really think the map of Bill Clinton will fix the mess created by George W?
Will the leaders of our once ally countries lend an ear to a woman with no personality? If the American people can’t stand to listen to her, how can we possibly expect the leaders of Iraq and Afghanistan to take her seriously?Crossing the line of race, gender, economic status, political affiliation and generation is Barack Obama. If this man can reach the ears of those on the other side of the divide, then perhaps this is the man we need to extend a hand to our third world nemeses, and if that ‘hurts’ Hillary’s feelings she needs to go back to the kitchen!

Stay Up 'Til 4 In The Morning...

Hello! Hello! Hello!

I've been trying to do homework all night but got stuck on both of my iLabs, so I decided it's now time for a reality check and to feed the readers of our amazing blog some of Iowa's freshest and tastiest Asphalt.

First of all, I just want to thank you for taking the time to read anything that I wrote because it helps with the ratings. Second of all, do NOT steer away from this website before commenting on something Jack or I wrote because we get in trouble every time you do that. Support the blog!

Thanksgiving is just 4 days away! I'll be working (of course), but it's the same every year regardless of whether I'm there or not. My grandpa goes hunting for rabid turkeys to attempt to feed to us while we sit around the table in the house trying to think of any excuse that we can not to have to touch whatever he brings into the house with our mouths. Normally I like to be antisocial and sit upstairs and play my Nintendo DS, PSP, or even do homework on my laptop all the while counting ways to annoy my cousin, Beefy.

Next week is midterms. Yeah... let's not talk about it.

Here's some exciting news! Tomorrow (November 19th) is "Have A Bad Day Day". I expect all of your to reach for your potential on this one! A few good ideas to try are:

1. Not wear underpants in public.
2. Drive while intoxicated.
3. Visit David Copperfield's private island.
4. Be the head of a fan club that promised fans easy tickets.
5. Post a video on youtube.com demanding that people leave Britney Spears alone.

Each of those three are sure-fire bets for a guaranteed train-wreck sort of day! I mean... except maybe number three, it depends what you're into and that's your decision. I'm kind of leaning towards number one, myself. I was also thinking about number five, but youtube's standards probably wouldn't allow me to insert a video with that sort of content.

That's all from me for tonight! Thanks to myself for writing such an amazing, first blog! You all have a pleasant today, and a horrible tomorrow!

Goodnight, everybody!

Paging Dr. Bush...

The rising cost of health care in this country and our president wants nothing more than to ensure that more of us end up bankrupt!
Michael Moore hit it on the head when he called it SICKO. That is exactly what our president is….a SICKO!!
Congress has approved 35billion dollars to give health care coverage to the millions of children whose parents can’t afford it. Sounds great huh? After all, when a child goes to the Emergency room with no coverage those of us with health insurance end up paying the bill anyway, right? Our premiums go up because the hospitals have to charge more for basic cares in order to absorb the costs of all the non-paying victims of our current health care system.
You can travel the halls of any major hospital in America and you will find dozens of children fighting for their lives. Many who may lose that struggle because they didn’t get to the doctor in time. If only they had, had health insurance they could have gotten treatment sooner.
What if it were YOUR CHILD?
Wouldn’t it be better to just raise our taxes and give everyone health care?
Well not according to Mr. George W. He thinks 5 billion dollars is enough! He doesn’t think that all children should have coverage. He claims that if we give health care to all children we will be ‘socializing’ health care.
Socializing health care? How is that a bad thing?
How is it a bad thing to be able to take your child to the doctor when they need it?
How is it a bad thing for companies to run more efficiently because no one is home sick?
How is it a bad thing for save lives with preventative medicine?
Canada has ‘socialized’ their health care system. You won’t hear anyone up there complaining! They still have the right to purchase private insurance if they want. Their insurance companies still make a profit.
Sure they might wait to get in to see a specialist, but if everyone has the right to go to the doctor we would have waiting lists too!
We don’t wait a few weeks to see a specialist. Could that be, because no one can afford to go! If you take the 15 or so million people in our country who don’t have health insurance and give them a place in line at the doctor I suppose that line will get long! HOW IS THAT A BAD THING??
Have we reduced ourselves to being a country of selfishness?
Do we all really only think of ourselves?
The uninsured can’t go to the doctors office because they can’t pay. So they wait. They wait til after 5pm and hit the Emergency rooms of the county hospitals, because they CAN’T TURN THEM AWAY!!
So instead of a $75.00 bill at the doctors office, they leave behind a $475.00 bill at the local ER.!! Do you think those bills go unpaid? YOU’RE WRONG!
If you don’t think the uninsured people of America affects you, THINK AGAIN! When your premiums go up, when your medicine skyrockets, when you’re local hospital can’t afford to keep specialists on staff IT WILL EFFECT YOU!!!
WE PAY THEM! YOU & ME and everyone else with insurance PAYS THOSE BILLS!
We pay them with higher premiums, higher prescription costs, higher co-pays, higher deductibles. WE PAY THEM!
When those families bankrupt who do you think picks up the tab? Do you really think those companies wipe the slate clean and call it a day? NOPE!
They raise their interest rates, they raise their purchase prices and lower their quality to make up for it. And guess who pays for that??
Wouldn’t it just be better for ALL of us to pay?
To pay a bit more taxes across the board than to deal with the rising costs of health insurance and prescription drugs??
Wouldn’t it be better to give health care to everyone than to pay more for less?
Don’t let the incompetence, stubbornness, and idiocy of our president take another child’s life. Don’t let this administration declare your child not worthy of health care.
Don’t let George W. Bush decide who lives and who dies.
Don’t let him decide what children deserve health care.
WHAT IF IT WERE YOUR CHILD?
DEMAND HEALTH CARE FOR EVERYONE!!
fillin' in the pot holes one by one on this ever winding road.......
t.r mugler

Crack? IT'S EVERYWHERE!!

What does Eunice Louisiana, Atlanta Georgia, and Dallas Texas all have in common? Well its more than their southern roots, its more like their southern booties!
They all want to pass a law that forces baggy pant wearing youth to 'PAY UP OR PULL UP'!
A fine for showing off your Calvin Kleins or Joe Boxers? Perhaps this is merely another tactic to win the war on drugs? Afterall, CRACK does KILL!
Louisiana legislators have taken this to a whole new level. They actually have a bill in the house awaiting a vote! House Bill 1626 will make it unlawful for anyone to appear in public wearing pants below the waist "..thereby exposing his skin or intimate clothing."
Intimate clothing? How many guys do you know that wear 'intimate clothing'? Perhaps this is just an underhanded way to discriminate against the cross-dresser? hmmmm
Or is it merely a way to get cheap labor? The bill will call for the violator to submit to 3 eight hour days of community service and pay a $175.00 fine!
Well I for one hope this law isn't just for the young hip hoppers, imagine how useful this bill will actually be when you get free labor from all those PLUMBERS!!!
What a great way to rebuild New Orleans! and all those fines...oooo just think! They will certainly collect more money than FEMA and much less time!
We have been staring at the ass cracks of blue collar workers for centuries and no law has ever been considered for the disgust they display, now that teenagers are annoying their parents with this 'fashion statement' people actually want to create a law to prevent it!
COME ON PEOPLE GET OVER IT!!! No law ever went to the legislator over hot pants, short-shorts, spandex or halter tops, showing off your boxers shouldn't be any different.
With all the men and women dying in foreign countries for reasons most of us can't even recall, leaving children without parents, with all the gang violence running rampant in the streets of inner cities and the children dying from diseases that have no cures and no supported research, and all the children who have no health care coverage, it amazes me how our law makers will collect our tax dollars and pay themselves for a job well done after spending our time, our money on something so insane as the clothing our children wear!
ahhhh life on the winding road :)