I’m Just A Little Bit Caught In The Middle

Who’s ready for another totally exciting blog entry by me! Well, I’m pretending that everybody is just psyched and that the demand is very high and that Jack in no way threatened my life to writing this entry. Just kidding! It wasn’t my life that was threatened, it was my Nintendo Wii. No one messes with my Nintendo products! No one! But there really is a lot to talk about, so let us begin.

Nadya Suleman’s “AngelinaJolieitis”
By now nearly everyone has heard about the mother of fourteen children, Nadya Suleman. If you haven’t, just turn on the television or pick up a US Weekly and you’ll find her. It’s just such a sad situation, as far as the kids are concerned. How they’re going to get the proper care and attention is beyond me. Plus, she’s been doing so many interviews that she has gigantic fake fingernails. How is scissor-hands supposed to even hold her eight new children without cutting them? More importantly, let us take a moment and talk about her face. Her face has a condition in which I will call “AngelinaJolieitis” and I’m not so sure anyone with that condition should be having even one child, let alone fourteen. It’s very clear that she has had plastic surgery, although no one is sure how she was able to afford it. Rumor has it that she hasn’t worked since her first litter of six kids. Also under investigation is the doctor that allowed this to happen, who might even face criminal charges for it. I’d personally like to know more about the doctor because I find it hard to believe that just any doctor would do something this extreme. To help pay for her children, she has been offered a one million dollar deal to do a porno, so things are definitely looking up for her.

Rethink it, Rihanna
Chris Brown has allegedly beaten singer Rihanna during their relationship forcing both Chris and Rihanna to seek help. Then, Rihanna went back to him. Need I even say more? There are so many things wrong with this that it’s disgusting. The worst part is that some people feel the need to defend Chris. I’m convinced these people are lacking functional brain cells. First of all, why would you go back to someone that had been abusing you? Second, why would you even want to? I do not understand their thought process behind this one at all. I’m totally for forgiveness and stuff, but it’s statistically proven that if the person has abused you once, they will almost surely do it again. Unless that’s what you’re into, I guess. Maybe they’re just very sick people, and we can’t even begin to comprehend what they like. Even so, the bruises were pretty bad so they need to take it down a notch at least.

Britney’s Live Microphone
Don’t you hate it when you just get done singing a song in front of a huge crowd of people and they forget to mute your microphone? Wait, so Britney was singing with a live microphone? Since when did this start happening again! Make sure the kids are in bed for this one! I’ll even somewhat sensor it, but it’s still pretty grotesque. After singing a song during one of her first Circus tour concerts, Britney, apparently not realizing that her microphone wasn’t muted yet, was clearly heard saying, and I quote, “Hey, my p***y is hanging out.” It almost sounds like the Britney Spears we all once knew and loved is back! But I don’t want to get my hopes up.

Okay, you can wake the kids back up now! We’re done! That’s all for this fantastic entry! I hope that I have enlightened you in ways that you never even though possible! Until next time, everyone! Happy early Saint Patricks day!

Do You Think It’s Possible For You To Read My Mind?

Hi everyone! I’m 22 today and feel old! I also ate at Subway today so that makes me feel skinny and food-deprived. Places like Subway are for healthy people. Now Subway owes Iowa’s Asphalt because I voluntarily plugged them. Except it was voluntarily so they don’t actually owe anything. Awe… I was so close! Anyways, onto the new news that I think is kind of funny!

Amy Winehouse’s Vacation 
So Amy Winehouse has now been on vacation for about three months. I really hope the staff gets a huge bonus once she leaves. I wonder how much it costs to stay at a resort for three months even. Anyways, apparently she has been harassing the help by groping them, trying to make out with them, and throwing up on occasion. So it sounds like she’s just doing terrific down there. She’s actually “saved” two people during her stay as well. I think one of them tried to drink a coconut which, if not at the correct ripeness, can be poisonous and another I think she gave mouth-to-mouth. I wouldn’t count her second act of bravery though, because she’s given plenty of people mouth-to-mouth while there it sounds like. She sounds like a five-year-old, who you take on vacation and never wants to go home because they’re having so much fun. Except she has enough money that… she doesn’t have to go home ever. I need some of that! Well, enjoy your stay! As for the staff, good luck with that natural disaster!

Spears’ Restraining Order
So remember when I told you about Britney’s father’s conservatorship becoming permanent because otherwise when she has full control over her life she marries backup dancers, has kids, and lets her managers drug her? No? You’re lying! Anyways, her father has filed a restraining order, again, with Adnan Ghalib and Sam Lufti, which in all fairness needs to be happening in her life. I don’t really believe that they’re very good people. I also don’t blame them for destroying her career though, because I don’t really think it’s possible to destroy a megastar in only a few years. She’s just too well-known and anything she does is going to make money somehow. But… restraining orders are good when the people involved used to drug and just use her.

Helpful Underwear 
Who knew that underwear could be even more helpful? Evangeline Lily has created a line to create Brazilian-made lingerie that she will be auctioning on eBay. Proceeds of her underwear will go towards helping children and teens living on the streets of Brazil. That last sentence kind of sounds really funny to me. What a kind thing to do, and especially in such a weird way! I really do think it’s great, though. I can’t even begin to imagine how awful it would be to have nowhere to go home to. Plus, this idea is so unique that I’m sure she will get quite a few bidders. It makes me happy when rich people aren’t greedy because money has a tendency to ruin people, so it’s comforting to know there are still nice ones out there.

That’s all I have for now! I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! As for me, I’m going to be a traitor to Iowa and go to Omaha tomorrow for a few days and beg people who I don’t know and didn’t ask for me in the first place to hire me. And maybe I’ll go to Warren Buffet’s house and make friends and ask if he’ll pay for my college.

Embracing a New Era...

As the world held its breath, the 44th President of the United States stumbled through his oath of office, clearly a bit nervous, yet aware of the task that lay before him and us.
President Obama spoke the words " I am humbled by the task before us..." reminding each of us that it does not matter what your grandest wishes are the reality of our world is has many obstacles to overcome.
He reminded us all of the potholes, the detours and road blocks ahead...he spoke of "..gathering clouds and raging storms..." as he refused to sugar-coat the work to be done. No fingers were pointed but you could hear the echo of a failed administration, a failed leadership as Obama spoke of those who refused to take the roads less traveled. He warned "...the ground has shifted beneath them..." and laid into the stone of his message that the questions of the how to move forward were "...not whether our government is too big or too small..but whether it works.."
He spoke to not just to our allies but to our enemies. He loudly sounded the charging bugle of determination as he stated "...you cannot outlast us and we will defeat you.." and expressed a truth many fail to realize in an entire life-time that "...your pple will judge you by what you build not what you destroy.."
Let us all Unite and Build an America that will continue to withstand...and whose flag will forever be in the shadows of the rockets red glare....reminding us all that today is EXACTLY what we make it......
ahhhhhhh the feel of a new road laid out before us...........

Warren's Prayer....

While the applause, or apparent lack of, for the introduction of Pastor Rick Warren was an obvious tense moment, I cannot help but to wonder in my minds eye when he said ...'when we fail to treat all people with the respect they deserve ...forgive us' if perhaps Pastor Warren was seeking forgiveness for himself for the disrespect he has given to his fellow brothers & sisters over the years. Did he perhaps have a revelation upon the extension of Obama's hand to be included in an event he was so clearly not welcomed into by the majority....
Perhaps it is a new day......
As he then cited the 23rd Psalm....and the familiar line of 'lead us not into temptation', I was again transported back to what it is Warren really stands for and couldn't help but wonder what the line really means to him.......
hey at least we all were saved in the rejoicement of Aretha singin'!! whoohooooo

A Somber Walk...

As each former President and First Ladies made the walk to the point of Front & Center it seemed that History was somehow knew its path and the ghosts of those days gone by were not so far away afterall.
Then the final walk was George W. himself, and the look of somber on his face, walking alone along a long corridor, to greet the daylight of a crowded mall....the applause upon his arrival was sparse, the feelings of uneasiness stretching across his face as he for he last time greeted the public as President......
I wonder if he now thinks of his legacy as the least respected, least liked Commander in Chief in our history....................