There Go The Streetlights: The Night's Officially On!

Hi everybody and welcome to Iowa's Asphalt! Sorry I haven’t posted in quite some time everyone! I was hoping for twice a month but these last few weeks have not been so good. Between midterms and a mortally sick friend, I have not had much time to concentrate on my blogging. Why am I choosing to post right now? Because I’m procrastinating from homework, like any good college student would do!



Britney Spears On My Birthday
On my 21st birthday, Britney Spears went to the hospital. I figured one of us would have to go crazy enough to get admitted, and a lot of people were even betting on me! But our very own Britney Spears outdid me by a landslide! She was in the hospital first on another 5150 hold, which is the 72-hour one, but they then upped it to a 5250 hold which is one that can keep you there for up to 14 days. As has been the trend, she was released only three days into her 5250 hold. The good news is that her parents, until the 5250 hold would have been up on Valentine’s Day, are in charge of her finances and have encouraged her to stop hanging out with Middle-Easterners. Not saying they’re bad people, but Sami Lufti (her former Middle-Easterner manager) allegedly had been drugging her. She’s been seemingly normal every since she got out of the hospital, so hopefully this time she’s really going to get better. I don’t usually say nice things about anyone, so you should all pay attention when I actually do! It’s just really time that she gets better and stays better.

Jessica Simpson Banned From Texas
Dallas Cowboy fans want to ban Jessica Simpson from Texas, everybody! They’re saying that she’s bad luck to their football team and that she was the reason they lost in the play-offs. Really, Cowboy fans? I’m not superstitious in the least so I just think that is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard in my life! With so many Bush haters out there, I’m surprised they would want to ban Simpson before him, anyways! I love Bush, myself. He can always live in my garage if he ever gets banned from Texas. I don’t keep up with politics, though, so that’s not saying much.

Heidi Montag’s Not Breaking Out
Okay, everybody. Heidi Montag has a new music video out. Has everyone seen this disaster by now? What a train wreck! There’s a hilarious parody that I’d like to share with you if I may in regards to her music video from E!’s The Soup. Take a look.

Chelsea Handler, who is like my idol as far as comedy goes, also had some things to say about the video in which I thought I would share with you because it's too good not to! Here she is making fun of Heidi's rediculus music video on E!'s Chelsea Lately.

I’m so glad I found these clips because now I don’t have to say anything! They did for me! AND you got to see for yourself how awful the video was! It was a double jackpot!

Paula Abdul Does The Super Bowl
Paula Abdul was the halftime entertainment during last Sunday’s Super Bowl. Her performance was pre-taped under the disguise that they didn’t want another Janet Jackson incident to happen. I know the real reason! They didn’t want her horse tranquilizers to wear off in the middle of her performance and go crazy on all of her fans. Paula Abdul is not the person you come to when you want things to go off smoothly, as they had claimed. Can you imagine how many assistants she went through up until her actual performance? What a mess she is! Anyways, I really must say the song is awesome! For not being in the studio for about a decade, I think it's amazing and it also doesn't even sound like her! It was definitely my style and the performance wasn’t too bad as well. I just wonder how many takes they had to do before they got a useable one for the Super Bowl!



That’s all I really have to say as of right now! Hopefully my friend gets better soon so that I may put more time into the celebrity world again! It’s just a very scary situation right now that will unfortunately be happening for the rest of their life, but hopefully the disease goes into another recession and everything becomes better once again. Thanks for reading! And don’t forget to leave a comment because we get in trouble every time you don’t! Just think of it this way: Every time you don’t leave a comment, a dry cat gets sprayed with water.



***Please feel free to email us at iowasasphalt@live.com with topics or ideas you'd like us to discuss, as well as to get on our mailing list so you're always up to date with the latest Jack and Kyzac have to report!***