Do You Think It’s Possible For You To Read My Mind?

Hi everyone! I’m 22 today and feel old! I also ate at Subway today so that makes me feel skinny and food-deprived. Places like Subway are for healthy people. Now Subway owes Iowa’s Asphalt because I voluntarily plugged them. Except it was voluntarily so they don’t actually owe anything. Awe… I was so close! Anyways, onto the new news that I think is kind of funny!

Amy Winehouse’s Vacation 
So Amy Winehouse has now been on vacation for about three months. I really hope the staff gets a huge bonus once she leaves. I wonder how much it costs to stay at a resort for three months even. Anyways, apparently she has been harassing the help by groping them, trying to make out with them, and throwing up on occasion. So it sounds like she’s just doing terrific down there. She’s actually “saved” two people during her stay as well. I think one of them tried to drink a coconut which, if not at the correct ripeness, can be poisonous and another I think she gave mouth-to-mouth. I wouldn’t count her second act of bravery though, because she’s given plenty of people mouth-to-mouth while there it sounds like. She sounds like a five-year-old, who you take on vacation and never wants to go home because they’re having so much fun. Except she has enough money that… she doesn’t have to go home ever. I need some of that! Well, enjoy your stay! As for the staff, good luck with that natural disaster!

Spears’ Restraining Order
So remember when I told you about Britney’s father’s conservatorship becoming permanent because otherwise when she has full control over her life she marries backup dancers, has kids, and lets her managers drug her? No? You’re lying! Anyways, her father has filed a restraining order, again, with Adnan Ghalib and Sam Lufti, which in all fairness needs to be happening in her life. I don’t really believe that they’re very good people. I also don’t blame them for destroying her career though, because I don’t really think it’s possible to destroy a megastar in only a few years. She’s just too well-known and anything she does is going to make money somehow. But… restraining orders are good when the people involved used to drug and just use her.

Helpful Underwear 
Who knew that underwear could be even more helpful? Evangeline Lily has created a line to create Brazilian-made lingerie that she will be auctioning on eBay. Proceeds of her underwear will go towards helping children and teens living on the streets of Brazil. That last sentence kind of sounds really funny to me. What a kind thing to do, and especially in such a weird way! I really do think it’s great, though. I can’t even begin to imagine how awful it would be to have nowhere to go home to. Plus, this idea is so unique that I’m sure she will get quite a few bidders. It makes me happy when rich people aren’t greedy because money has a tendency to ruin people, so it’s comforting to know there are still nice ones out there.

That’s all I have for now! I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! As for me, I’m going to be a traitor to Iowa and go to Omaha tomorrow for a few days and beg people who I don’t know and didn’t ask for me in the first place to hire me. And maybe I’ll go to Warren Buffet’s house and make friends and ask if he’ll pay for my college.